Pornography. Let’s talk about it. Let’s be real about it. Yet let’s advance the conversation beyond the typical morality talk about porn, what you’re looking at, and let’s discuss porn personally getting to the desires of the heart and bring to the surface the why; what you’re looking for.

If I’m being honest with you, I can’t think of anything that has more adversely affected my life more than porn has. It is something that I once struggled with consuming and now I wrestle with the consequences of consumption. Porn is something I frequently would swim to hoping to breaststroke in the waters of pleasure, gratification, and distraction but later realized that I was actually drowning in lust, shame, and sin.

Ashamed. Embarrassed. Disgusted. Guilty | Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Suppose you were home alone and as you’re walking through the house you peer through the window only to notice your neighbor is having sex in front of their window. Clear as day you can see the rawness of their sex and you can hear the sounds leading to their orgasm.

Would you pull up a chair, grab a bottle of lotion or your secret toy, and masturbate until you hit that spot? Of course not! That’s creeper status. It’s invasive. It goes against the grain of our conscience. But what is the difference between watching people have sex in front of the window and watching people have sex through a screen? Why is one unacceptable and the other acceptable?

Window Seat | Photo by Maru Lombardo on Unsplash

Perhaps we wouldn’t watch people having sex in front of their window because we truly aren’t interested in watching people have sex. Rather we watch people have sex because in one chamber of our heart there is a deep desire or void we hope to fill yet in another chamber, our own heart deceives us into believing that we will find our delight in porn. We watch porn looking for pleasure in the innermost parts of our being, consistent satisfaction, frequent stimulation, or a want for something new, different, and outside our normal mundane routine..perhaps it’s out of a desire to be desired, may be looking for an escape from reality, a release from pressure, or a sense of euphoria even if only for a few brief minutes.

The problem that we face when we consume pornography is that we are constantly looking to the creature to satisfy the innermost part of our being rather than seeking our satisfaction in Jesus, our Creator, who is blessed forever. God has set eternity in every heart (Ecclesiastes 3:11) so that He who is eternal and the riches of His love, peace, joy, and goodness would fulfill our heart’s desires but instead, we settle for a temporal cheap substitute that actually leaves us empty. The ironic reality is that whatever we’re truly looking for in porn we never truly receive.

Pornography by nature is a taker, not a giver. Therefore the deposit that porn makes into our minds is always less than the withdraw that it makes on our heart, over drafting our souls for lust and leaving our life balance in the negatives.

For a woman, porn distorts her self-image, it will reduce her self-worth to sexual availability & performance, and it can skew her perspective to objectify men. Rather than assessing a man on how his character measures up, he is assessed on how he measures down in grey sweatpants. Also, women may think that if they do not offer what porn offers then they cannot expect to hold a guy. Conversely, it might also jade her frame of mind to believe that a man who isn’t pursuing her sexually isn’t interested in her. For a man, porn distorts his self-image as well, corrupts his view of women, objectifying women as disposable tools to be used for pleasure, and it can cause us to reduce a woman’s worth so low that her cup and butt size [“assets”] determine her value.

Human reductionism. With this debased view of ourselves and others, we lose any sense or willingness to believe that people are created by God for His pleasure and not ours, that people are created to be used for God’s purposes and not our own, that people are uniquely and wonderfully handmade by God and not generic sex objects.

No Love | Photo by Prateek Katyal on Unsplash

Personally, I’m not sure if porn found me or if I was looking for it but either way I was introduced at the grown age of 12 years old. I can vividly remember my first watch, sneaking into our finished basement around 12:00 AM, sitting in the dark with the volume cautiously low but just enough to hear from 18 inches away, and watching ShowTime After Hours. The plot was corny as usual. A married man who was bored with his on-the-go suburban wife purchased a helmet that had a visor that would transfer him into a virtual reality where the woman of his dreams existed. The woman of his dreams was a character named Roxanne who was a gorgeous white woman with flowing brown hair and a divine hourglass figure. Roxanne was down for anything, anywhere, at any time. In the end, the husband divorced his wife because his virtual reality was better than his actual reality. I’m not sure if this movie was teaching me that porn kills marriages or to fulfill my sexual fantasies at all costs?!!?.. But I do know that Roxanne was the lure that got me hooked.

By age 21, the allurement morphed into an addiction. Private consumption led to public recklessness. I would watch porn every day 2-5 times a day. Watch it on my Sidekick LX on the bus headed to campus, then I would sit in the last row in the corner seat of the auditorium for lecture and watch it on my laptop, and then when I made it to the library I would go to the top floor and find a secluded dark corner and watch more porn. I remember giving my laptop to my dad to clear the viruses off my computer and him telling me “Lenny you know your computer would work if you didn’t download all this porn.” I could hear the concern in his voice so I sarcastically told him “thanks for the advice dad.”

The Temptation | Photo by Ussama Azam on Unsplash

When God made me a Christian at age 23, I assumed that my Heavenly Father would make all my sexually immoral desires immediately dissipate like other sinful tendencies but He didn’t. By the time I was walking down the aisle at age 26, though I was no longer watching porn, I didn’t anticipate the ramifications that porn would have on me in marriage.

First, my view of sex was extremely warped. Sex was always about what I wanted, how I want it, and when I want it. Therefore it took me some time to unlearn what porn taught me and to embrace a new lesson: that God created sex as an act of worship, to reflect His love towards His daughter by selflessly using my body to please and satisfy her body. Deep intimacy, intense passion, and closeness were totally new to me at 26. Secondly, I had set unrealistic expectations for my wife to do as a pornstar would. Even though I understood I am to give my body selflessly to her, I would, in turn, expect her to do what I had seen so many times. And when she didn’t measure up I would be disappointed and this was a challenge for me.

Sexual. Sensual. Seductive. | Photo by DEVN on Unsplash

…The ironic reality is that whatever we’re truly looking for in porn we never truly receive.

See Ecclesiastes 2:1

Since porn does not truly give us what we long for then where do we find it? How do we set aside what seems good and comes naturally? Who can make straight our bent toward sexual immorality?

  1. “You [God] have commanded that Your precepts be diligently kept. If only my ways were committed to keeping Your statutes!” – Psalm 119:4-5
    • We MUST call it for what it is; sin. Before we even watch porn [looking at] we’ve already sinned in our heart by [looking for] lusting after someone else (Matthew 5:27-30), idolizing ourself rather than worshiping God (1 Corinthians 6:18-20), and pride that leads us to believe we will find satisfaction in porn rather than God (1 John 2:15-17). We have to turn away from our carnal desires and turn towards keeping God’s precepts and statutes.
  2. “How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping Your word.” – Psalm 119:9
    • If we are to keep our way pure then our desire to be pleasing to God must exceed our desire to please ourselves. Granted one affection drives out another affection. Therefore, having our pleasure in God’s precepts and promises displaces our seeking to find our pleasure in porn.
  3. “Turn my eyes from looking at what is worthless” – Psalm 119:37
    • Radical results require radical measures. If our eyes are causing us to sin then we are commanded to gouge them out because it is better to enter into heaven with 1 eye or no eyes rather than the whole body perish in hell (Matthew 5:29-30).
  4. “If Your instruction had not been my delight, I would have died in my affliction.” – Psalm 119:92
    • If God Himself in all His perfect and eternal goodness, gentleness, graciousness, beauty, splendor, and loving-kindness can’t satisfy your whole being then nothing can. Nothing will. Especially not porn. God alone can satisfy the desires of our hearts. God alone is willing to satisfy the desires of our hearts. We only need to believe and delight in Him.

As Tony Reinke once said, “It’s not just what we do, but the heart in what we do. God is most glorified in our self-giving when that sacrifice is filled with delight in Him.”

Far too often we abuse God’s grace as a license to sin. We must learn to believe that God’s grace is not just the power to cover our sins but it is also the power that keeps us from sinning.

Radical Amputation Required | Photo by soheyl dehghani on Unsplash
Lyndon Jones

Lyndon Jones

Lyndon here! Welcome to my digital space where my aim is to walk you through the corridors of my mind and explore the inner chambers of my heart. Let's move beyond superficial and surface talk and let's be real, transparent, and vulnerable. Let's talk explicitly and look exclusively to Jesus! If you want to know more about who I am, what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling, where I've been, then check out any/every post. Feel empowered to leave a comment, drop a message, and/or ask a question. Peace. Love. & Grace.

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Mr. Lyndon J,

Welcome, all! Thank you for stopping by my blog.  I created this blog to have explicit dialogue to unearth hard truths about unspoken realities while looking to the raw gospel for clarity, change, and comfort.

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